Good grief: Death doula Darnell Lamont Walker releases debut self-help book
Darnell Lamont Walker remembers the first time he cared for a dying loved one.
It was 1994 in Charlottesville, Virginia. His cousin was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS and came to stay with their paternal grandmother after relatives disowned him.
Walker paid attention to how his grandmother took care of her neighbors and her sister who died of cancer three years earlier.
Walker sat by his cousin’s side, sharing memories and jokes. He realized being compassionate and present can help people find closure at the end of their lives.
“People didn’t want to be around him, but it was my first time helping someone hands-on at the end of their life. I watched her take care of people, hold their hand, and let them know they’re not alone,” Walker said.
Walker — a death doula who provides emotional and physical support to clients and families in their final stages — just released his debut book, “Never Can Say Goodbye: The Life of a Death Doula and the Art of a Peaceful End,” about navigating and finding peace in grief.
Written as both memoir and self-help guide, Walker’s book offers personal narratives, Black history, cultural commentary and tips for navigating sadness after losing loved ones. His goal is to end stigmas around addressing death and grief in the Black community.
“There was a time when we didn’t share so much about ourselves because everyone was going through something. We are very communal people but avoid the conversation until it happens, so we need to talk about it and share resources so we can help get each other through it,” Walker said.
“These are all of the things that have happened to me, the people I love, and who I’ve helped transition.”
The book’s origins started in February 2023 after Walker wrote an op-ed piece in the Los Angeles Times about his experiences as a Black death doula. He shared the article on LinkedIn and was contacted by a literary agent about turning it into a book.
He sent drafts of chapters a month later. He spent the next eight months sitting in coffee shops, public libraries, and riding on trains to complete the manuscript.
“I needed to hear outside noises and be around other people who are doing anything, because it triggers me to remember,” Walker said. “I listen to sad music. I have a playlist with 18 hours of sad music to get into the space to pull those emotions out.”
Walker was living in New York City and considered moving to upstate New York or West Virginia until a friend convinced him it was more cost-effective living in Georgia.
In November 2020, he moved to a cabin in Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest in Gainesville. He was a writer on children’s programs “Karma’s World,” “Blue’s Clues & You” and “Two Whats?! and a Wow!”
“In my head, I was never moving back to the South. I considered renewing my lease in New York, but I always wanted a cabin in the middle of the woods and (to) pay much less for mortgage. It was different and peaceful but felt like (1972 film) ‘Deliverance,’” he said.
As a teenager, Walker volunteered at a hospice care facility. He held grief circles at his school after his friend was killed in car accident.
He said his grandmother, who died in 2011, was his muse. “It was the first time I lost a friend, and the school didn’t do much,” he said.
“I didn’t think anything of all these experiences. They were just one-off things, but I’m who I became because I watched her just love people,” Walker said.
In 2015, Walker was introduced to the term death doula by a hospice nurse. He became certified six years later.
That same year, Walker directed “Seeking Asylum,” his debut short documentary about finding safe space internationally from police brutality. “Set Yourself on Fire,” about sexual assault survivors, came two years later.
He creates films and television to humanize social issues.
“It all comes down to people wanting to be witnessed and loved. I’m a bridge that helps people get from where they are to where and who they want to be,” Walker said.
Through it all, his mission is to help people search for positivity amid loss.
“Writing is what I do well, but this is my purpose,” he said. “To watch more people find wonder in this world.”
About the Author
Christopher A. Daniel is a Black Culture reporter for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He is an Atlanta-based, award-winning journalist, cultural critic and ethnomusicologist. He previously taught courses at Morehouse College, Clark Atlanta University and Georgia State University.